Straight Goods [EDIT (6/7/10): archive access requires free subscription] has a “definition list for new mothers,” with new meanings for familiar words. My favorites are:
- Family planning: The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster[.]
- Feedback: The inevitable result when the baby doesn’t appreciate the strained carrots.
- Puddle: A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.
- Show off: A child who is more talented than yours.
- Sterilize: What you do to your first baby’s pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby’s pacifier by blowing on it.
- Storeroom: The distance required between the supermarket aisles so that children in shopping carts can’t quite reach anything.
Happy Mother’s Day to all who perform that vital role.
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